I'm leaving for my trip on Wednesday, I'm really hoping I start feeling better. I'm starting my Epic Laundry Marathon (ELM) right now. I think my first load just ended and is ready to go into the dryer. I postpone laundry sooooo long. But I really need all my clothes clean so I can pack. Connecticut is 26 degrees right now... California (where I live) is 51 degrees. I'm going to DIE!! I'm also kind of worried cause on the way there I have a layover in Chicago, and they are having like Blizzards right now... I'm hoping they clear up by Wednesday cause I really don't want to get stuck anywhere and have to stay in an airport or something. I'm already antsy about this trip, I've flown alone before but I was younger so you have people taking care of you. Or I have at least had parents dropping me off and telling me what to do. This is my first trip by myself for reals... like I'm worried I won't check my bags right and they won't make it to where I'm trying to go and what if I get on the wrong plane? Oh god... I feel like I'm supposed to be better prepared for this. My friends are studying abroad right now in Prague and Spain and I'm so jealous of them, I want to go somewhere crazy and learn a new language and be in a different time zone (when we talk it will be 1pm my time and 10pm there time... so insane) I just think it would be a really fun experience. But if I'm worried about going to Connecticut by myself, I don't think I could handle somewhere out of the country haha
Alright well I have to go put my laundry in the dryer : )
Awesome, I should have checked up on that a little bit before I started typing away...
I'm a manager at Jamba Juice (judging by my last three entries, I probably already told you this... but this story has a point I haven't gotten to yet) It's pretty much like working in High School all over again... It's pretty dramatic and gets so frustrating when you're like GEEEEZEE O PEEEZE I graduated almost 3 years ago, can we stop bitching at eachother? Anyways... for the most part I really enjoy it there, lately my hours have been dwindling and my rent/other expenses are staying the same, so I really want to get a second job... Any ideas? I'm desperate. (Not that desperate though... I still have morals.)
I want something with set hours, but that is SOO impossible to find... gas station? hah It's a thought.
All my entries have been so generic, but I have been writing quite frequently, I'm kind of proud of myself... I have a lot to say, but just don't want to say a lot of it... Maybe in time... I still am kind of paranoid someone I know is going to stumble across this and be like Oh man, I know her, Wow I didn't know that!? Blahhhh
I'm a paranoid person.... Okay that's all for tonight.
More soon... Sorry for another lame entry..
It's okay, no one really reads this anymore anyways..
G'night
I've always gone to beauty schools to get my hair dyed, and for the first time ever I went to a salon.
The lady was super nice, it took WAYYY less time than my hair normally takes, and she did a great job, plus it was really inexpensive. I had a great experience.
I'm also not officially dating Chris. It's going well, he's a really sweet guy, and I really like him when he's here, but when he's not I kinda feel like I"m single again... and he'll text me and I'm kind of like, "Oh yea, have a boyfriend..." This is complicated. Right now I'm feeling like I should just stay and maybe I will change my mind, cause two weeks ago I really liked him... I've always been like I really like someone and then I get them and they like me and I'm like over it. It's really not a good way of going about things. He's such a sweet guy and I did really like him, I don't see why I can't again... I can't believe I'm even saying all this... : /
I'm going to Connecticut in a few weeks, I'm partially excited, I'm more excited to go to Denver and see my Mom. This is the longest we have ever been apart, I miss her so much. : )))
Mmk I'm going to end this here, this is kind of a weird blog, I'm sorry.
More soon : )
Work is going really well, and I'm really happy with my co-workers and how I feel my progress is going in my position. For a while I kind of felt like the Black Sheep at my job, and right now I feel like I really have a place and I'm needed. That's always nice.
I'm dating someone, and he's really sweet. There are these cookies that I wanted and they only make them in Southern California. He is originally from there so he got me them when he went down, then bought the ingredients to make them for me, so I will always have them. We've been talking since like Halloween, but just became like "official" today, hah So lame. But really exciting.
I'm going to see my Dad in Connecticut and then my Mom in Denver in February, it's coming up sooooo soon!! I need to pack! I only have a big ugly pink suitcase though : ( It's easy to find on the baggage claim, but it's so ugly... I'm embarrassed by it haha. I'm really excited to see my Mom though, I haven't seen her since August, like we talk everyday, but it's just not the same. Then I'm going again to see her in April for Easter, can't wait. I'm going to Connecticut for my Dad's wedding... He's getting Married Feb 4th. I'm ehhhh about it. Like I feel like he is only marrying her because she wants him to, not necessarily because he wants to do it. And then he was telling me about the cake topper saying it's a Bride with a Groom ball and chained to her... And like I just think that is kind of disrespectful. And I was saying that I wouldn't have it at my wedding, and now I'm really hoping there isn't going to be any shoving of cake in the face, otherwise I will be kind of hurt... I hate that stuff, and I don't think it's entertaining or funny in any way. Like on America's Funniest Home Videos where people could be seriously hurt.. Yea I don't think that stuff is funny.
Wow, this entry is getting so long... Woops.
More later, I know I have more to say
ttyl
I read through all my entries, it's crazy how much things have changed... It's funny reading back on things when I was 14 and 16 and seeing how I felt and the things that used to bother me.
Now I'm 20 and things are SOO different...
I'm living on my own which is the biggest thing, my family moved away to Colorado and I decided to stay in California. My Dad ended up moving to Connecticut in my Senior year of High School, I have visited him once and I'm going again for his wedding next month. He's getting married to the woman he moved down/up there for, I guess I'm happy for him, but I feel like he's only marrying her because she wants him to and not because it's what he wants to do.
Michelle and I are still best friends, she goes to Chico State, but she's leaving for Prague this semester and then is going to be a camp counselor so I pretty much won't see her until her birthday in September. I'm pretty bummed about it. It was crazy going back and reading all of the Katy drama, she was SOO awful to me, I think I had forgotten how bad it got... We are friends now and she is actually one of the girls I'm closest too, I don't know what was going on with her in that time of her life, but she has really changed for the better.
I'm talking to this guy named Chris, and I really like him. I think right now we are pretty much together but it's not "Facebook Official" lol ya'll know what I mean!!! Even though that sounds soooo dumb saying it like that. Anyways, don't know if I will be as good about updating this as I used to be, but I forgot about it and found it and remembered how much I enjoyed updating this. : )
Danielle
Soo this boy died in my town. It's still unsure of exactly how he died.. Some say suicide, others say it was that choking game, and others say murder. But he died.
And well.. I wasn't friends with this boy we never really talked. I knew of him and saw him around, I'm pretty sure he was in one of my classes once, although I'm not sure. I definately knew of him though.
Ok I understand that its sad that he died, I understand that it is a huge tragedy to his friends and his family, to people who KNEW him.. but what I don't understand is why people who didn't even know this boy are crying and acting like its the worst tragedy in the world. You were not friends with him, you didn't talk to him.. sooo why are you so sad?! Everyone wore green today for him and people who didn't even know him were wearing green... I heard more than one person say.. "Damnit I feel silly cause I'm not wearing green" or "The ONE day I don't go on myspace, I miss the memo to wear green" Uhmm hey people, the reason of wearing green was not so everyone would fit in, it was not a cool day soo "Hey lets all wear green!" People were wearing green in honor of their friend. So if you didn't even know him.. why are you wearing green? Why do you feel the need to honor someone that you didn't even know??
Ok maybe I'm being stupid in this.. maybe my opinions are wrong.. but I dunno. I just find it so silly that all these people were so broken up about someone that they've never met. Maybe it's the fact that someone died. The fact that someone their age who they saw walking around on Campus the day before is now dead. Maybe it's scary for them to see how precious life really is, to see that it can end in a horrible crime that is still unsure whether it is a crime or not...?? Soo maybe that's it. It's scary knowing that you aren't invincible. That anything whether it be an accident or something else can kill you. Life is fragile. Maybe that's what scares these people the most.. but to me.. some of it just seems like pure High School shit. The same need to fit in. The need to do what everyone else is doing..
Soo shit has been happening and it's pissing me off.
Best friends are growing apart.. and I'm tired of it.
I hate how people attach to me for a year.. and then.. do I get boring, old, less fun??
I'm not really sure what it is.. but I'm tired of it.
And the fact that I'm so attached to Ashley pisses me off. I work in her mom's store.. I can't get away from her. I want to get away from her completly. I want to quit soo bad. I'm tired of it here.. not just her, but it doesn't seem like a real job. Hell the fact that I'm writing this entry right now at work.. definately means something.
I'm done.
Angst.
School: Mmk so I started school back again on Monday. Yeppp.
I have a new English teacher.. he's English.. yeahhh it's hella cool. I will def. pay attention sooo much more now.. sad, but true. Otherwise school is pretty nice. My math teacher is an ass, a complete ass. He got all pissy at me today cause I was using the pencil sharpener and he's like, "You're not allowed to use it during class anymore, only before and after class." yeahhh dumb.. more happened but I'd rather not get into it.
Angst: Winterball is next weekend.. and hella shit about dinner and such is coming up. I don't even WANT to go to dinner.. but I have to.. annnd yea.. suckiness.
Shiiiiiit: Basically that's the same as above.. haha yea.. It's just stupid high school shiiiit. and it pisses me off that it's happening.. I dunno.. I hate it.
Whatever.. that's it.
Eww I need to stop complaining.
Sooo I tried for my Permit today..
I should have been able to get it a year ago.. sooo uhmm that sucks.
Welll I didn't pass.. that sucks even more. Whatever.. I have 3 chances.. but I'll get it next time.
It sucks though.. cause when you take the test you have to stand in these cubicle things and use the pens that are attached to the little desk. And like they are made for right handed people.. and uhmmm I had to stretch it really far so I could use it.. and then it kept snapping back.. yeahh that was hellla frustrating. I told the lady they should change that.. or have special cubicles for left handed people. : /
Yeahhh and now I'm at work. I work at a gift shop.. and I'm hellla bored right now. I've kind of adopted this stuffed bear.. he's fricken adorable.
yeahhh I know you think soo too : ) He's def. on my lap right now.. and he's wonderfully soft.. and yes.. I'm 4 shut up : )
MMK well that's all for now..
<3 DAnielle
Seriously he's the best boyfriend I could have ever asked for. I'm soo happy he is in my life.
I told him about everything that happened at New Years and all he said was,
"Baby I'm just glad you're ok, If it ever happens again just be more careful"
Things with him are so wonderful.. and I'm soo happy.
I was always so anti-long distance and he lives 2 hours away.. and I don't see him as often as I would like, but we're so much closer because we talk for hours on end anyway. I love how our relationship is being built on communication and we understand eachother so well, yea we hella want eachother but it's nice that we can talk about anything and everything.
It's just crazy how fast everything is moving. I first met him this summer but I was dating another guy and we never really talked.. I just met him. But like he remembered me and kept asking his cousin, (my best guy friend) about me and then I was single so Joe.. wanted me to start talking to him.. that was like a week before Halloween. We talked all the time, every night except for like 2. Then he asked me out on Thanksgiving.. (I always start going out with people on holidays.. it's kinda weird)
And then New Years Eve.. we were talking.. and well we said it..
ya know... IT.
It was amazing.. because even though it's only been a little more than 2 months that I've known him.. I've never felt this way before. I've said it before... but it's never been like this. It's like it was said because we were together so long.. you were just supposed to. But with Marco everything is different.. I really do love him.
Wow.. ok.
This is the first time I've told anything/anybody.
It's nice.
Soo New Years Eve.. I spent it with a different group of friends.. and man.. I dunno.
I made a few mistakes.. I guess.. but was it bad that I still had fun?
I mean.. ok.. soo I got drunk.. a little too drunk.
I called my boyfriend at midnight because I promised I would.. and that's when I went downhill and I threw up.. and then another friend of mine.. she's a foreign exchange student from Sweden led me to the bathroom and got me in the shower.. than I threw up some more.. and finally went to bed at 2. Yep.
And then I woke up this morning totally fine.
In some ways I'm kind of disappointed in myself.. just cause I felt my limit last night and then kept going.. I knew when I'd had enough.. but whatever.. I just kept it coming. But now I've done it and it was bad.. and now that is out of my system. I'll just know how much that sucked.. you know? So next time.. (if there is one) I'll feel my limit and stop there.
Soo I'm soo glad I have Mindsay..because no one from my town has this. and I can vent freely.. I can say what I feel and not be scrutinzed or looked down on. I know some of my friends would think badly of me because of what happened.
Well yea.. so that was my New Years.. haha even though I got sick.. it was still fun.. I enjoyed it before the whole vomiting part.. mhm..
Happy New Years..
and I wish everyone a wonderful 2007
Ok sooooo remember my last 2 entries were about the two different boys and what I should do???
Well I'm with Marco. The whole long distance thing is really frustrating but I went to Tahoe for a week and the night before I left we talked for 8 hrs on the phone.. about everything.. we NEVER stop talking. And then while I was there we talked a couple of times. Mhmm and so basically we were already dating.. it just wasn't official. But it's all official now and I'm so happy. He is probably the most perfect guy I have ever met for me. It seems like we are always saying, "..me too!!!" haha I love it.
Yeahhh I'm so glad that I didn't settle and give up on him because he lives far away. So yeah.. we'll see what happens. I hope it goes ok. I really like him.
Christmas/Winter break: Started today!! Woo hoo. Soo exciting. Yeahh Marco might come down too <3 cool. I hope he can.
haha yeahh sorry. I took all my finals this week.. and I fucked up my math one, but otherwise I did pretty good. Pretty exciting.
Ehhh yeahh I'm sure there's more I should put.. but ehh I'm bad with this.. I want to be better with this. It's my outlet for shit that bugs me, because no one near me or close to me knows I have one or still use it.
Yeahh soooon.
Danielle
In one corner...
Peder: Really good friend of my best friends ex-boyfriend. Sounds confusing... ehh.
But Peder lives in a town not too far away. About 15 min, Like I mentioned earlier. He really is a nice guy. We talk... I "make his day" by saying stupid things. He's attractive and again.. lives near by. But then there are just thing about him that really bother me. Like his grammar isn't too good. He said that he "losed his game of basketball" the other night.. I was cringing. And sometimes I feel so censored.. if I bring up something serious, he just kind of clams up.
Marco: My best guy friend's cousin. We have been talking about a month, and I have told him things that people I have been friends with for years don't even know. It's crazy.. cause I'm usually such a private person. And also, he's Catholic.. and so for All Saints Day it honors people who have passed etc. and so you're supposed to put down someone's name that you want to honor. .and the other night we had talked about my grandmother and how much I missed her and so he put down my grandmother.. That is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. But things aren't always serious with him. .we can laugh and talk about crazy stupid things also.. ehh but he lives in the bay area.. like 2 hours away.
Sooo yeah..that's how the cookie crumbles..
Ehh so I hate difficult.. and right now that's how things are.
I have a dilemma.
2 People.. One lives about 15 minutes away.. they're pretty cool, we talk, they're nice.. really nothing wrong with them.. except for a few things.. but the other person is amazing. Probably one of the nicest people I've ever met. And I really want to get to know better.. etc. Buut they live 2 hours away. I don't do long distance.. ehhh
Complicated and I hate it.
I uploaded a new picture also.. I didn't like the other one.. It was getting old to me.. Soooo It's new now. Mhmmm
Ehh well that's all for now.. Later.
So there was a game tonight, and it's pitiful how bad we are lol. We lost 14-41.. It was almost 7-41 but I think the other team felt bad for us and let us have a pity touchdown haha awhh.
School has been going really well, I finally understand Emperical formulas in chem so that's pretty exciting, otherwise nothing new. This week literally flew, I thought this morning was like Tuesday or something.. craziness.
Well I want to write more.. and I could write more.. I dunno.. I just don't feel like it.
Later dudes. haha.
D
I thought I could go more than a week without shedding a tear.. but I guess I can't.
Damnit.
I'm angry
sad
upset
confused..
Soo I asked my Dad how he was and how things were going.. he told me he was in love and maybe moving to New York City.
I don't even know how I feel about it. I mean I know that I should be happy for him, he finally got over my mom, and Candy (woman's name) and past girlfriends, I really should be happy; but I can't. Damnit I can't!!!
We didn't even talk for almost 3 years, and now that I'm finally in contact and basically met my whole family down in Tahoe, he wants to move, he wants to leave. I feel like I'm never going to see him or talk to him. New York is FAR away.. It took long enough just to make it up to Tahoe.. how in the hell am I going to get up to New York!?
I feel like he's being selfish; ehhh I dunno.
I don't know how I'm feeling.
All I know is that I can't go a week without crying.
..and it's pathetic.
Is tomorrow... woo hooo..
Don't really feel like writing much, but I haven't written in a while..
ehhh
Now I have to figure out how to get rid of Kevin. Joy, Rapture.
He talks to my friend Ashley all the time about how much he likes me.. shit.
The easy way would be just to tell him, "Hey, I don't like you the way you like me" Or something along those lines...
But why the hell would I do it the easy way?? Who do you think I am??
Oh no, I don't work the easy way.
I just realized that the header picture I found... definately says Hooters in a part of it.. ummmm ok.
Well that was unintentional.
Whatever.
Not really any updates for today.
Maybe later.
I'll start all this with last night: I went bowling with Kevin. It was ok.. ehh but I dunno.
He wasn't assertive at all. I had to do all the talking. We had fun throughout the night even though there were a couple mishaps. I dragged him to Rite-Aid because I didn't have any socks and hell no was I going to bowl without socks lol so I bought socks. Then it was "Glow Bowl" and so they turned on black lights.. and just my luck.. my shirt was like a thin material and I was wearing a white bra.. and all you could see was my white bra shining through.. WOO HOO! Yeahh
Ok but end of the night.. we had talked earlier and he said he needed to stop by a bank and I just figured he got that covered somehow. Well he looks at me and goes "It's 34" I thought he was just telling me to show off or something.. I dunno. Well he thought I was going to pay. Well all I had was $4. So I had to call my parents and tell them to bring my wallet. So after totally embarrassing myself and him to my parents.. he sees an ATM machine and he's like "Oh" I was soo pissed.
I'm still pissed. It really makes me rethink everything.
Ok and the other thing. This grandma and her grandkids came in to where I work. And my grandma died almost 3 years ago.. and I never knew I missed her so much until I saw this grandmother and the way she was with her grandkids. She reminded me so much of mine.
I miss my grandma.. : (
Well that's all for now.
18/100: And it's time I'll take, before I begin17/100: I will rise when he calls my name.16/100: Green eyes...