Soo this boy died in my town. It's still unsure of exactly how he died.. Some say suicide, others say it was that choking game, and others say murder. But he died.
And well.. I wasn't friends with this boy we never really talked. I knew of him and saw him around, I'm pretty sure he was in one of my classes once, although I'm not sure. I definately knew of him though.
Ok I understand that its sad that he died, I understand that it is a huge tragedy to his friends and his family, to people who KNEW him.. but what I don't understand is why people who didn't even know this boy are crying and acting like its the worst tragedy in the world. You were not friends with him, you didn't talk to him.. sooo why are you so sad?! Everyone wore green today for him and people who didn't even know him were wearing green... I heard more than one person say.. "Damnit I feel silly cause I'm not wearing green" or "The ONE day I don't go on myspace, I miss the memo to wear green" Uhmm hey people, the reason of wearing green was not so everyone would fit in, it was not a cool day soo "Hey lets all wear green!" People were wearing green in honor of their friend. So if you didn't even know him.. why are you wearing green? Why do you feel the need to honor someone that you didn't even know??
Ok maybe I'm being stupid in this.. maybe my opinions are wrong.. but I dunno. I just find it so silly that all these people were so broken up about someone that they've never met. Maybe it's the fact that someone died. The fact that someone their age who they saw walking around on Campus the day before is now dead. Maybe it's scary for them to see how precious life really is, to see that it can end in a horrible crime that is still unsure whether it is a crime or not...?? Soo maybe that's it. It's scary knowing that you aren't invincible. That anything whether it be an accident or something else can kill you. Life is fragile. Maybe that's what scares these people the most.. but to me.. some of it just seems like pure High School shit. The same need to fit in. The need to do what everyone else is doing..

Soo shit has been happening and it's pissing me off.

Best friends are growing apart.. and I'm tired of it. 
I hate how people attach to me for a year.. and then.. do I get boring, old, less fun??
I'm not really sure what it is.. but I'm tired of it.

And the fact that I'm so attached to Ashley pisses me off. I work in her mom's store.. I can't get away from her. I want to get away from her completly. I want to quit soo bad. I'm tired of it here.. not just her, but it doesn't seem like a real job. Hell the fact that I'm writing this entry right now at work.. definately means something.

I'm done.

Angst.

School: Mmk so I started school back again on Monday. Yeppp.

I have a new English teacher.. he's English.. yeahhh it's hella cool. I will def. pay attention sooo much more now.. sad, but true. Otherwise school is pretty nice. My math teacher is an ass, a complete ass. He got all pissy at me today cause I was using the pencil sharpener and he's like, "You're not allowed to use it during class anymore, only before and after class." yeahhh dumb.. more happened but I'd rather not get into it.

Angst: Winterball is next weekend.. and hella shit about dinner and such is coming up. I don't even WANT to go to dinner.. but I have to.. annnd yea.. suckiness.

Shiiiiiit: Basically that's the same as above.. haha yea.. It's just stupid high school shiiiit. and it pisses me off that it's happening.. I dunno.. I hate it.

Whatever.. that's it.

Eww I need to stop complaining.

Sooo I tried for my Permit today..

I should have been able to get it a year ago.. sooo uhmm that sucks.

Welll I didn't pass.. that sucks even more. Whatever.. I have 3 chances.. but I'll get it next time.

It sucks though.. cause when you take the test you have to stand in these cubicle things and use the pens that are attached to the little desk. And like they are made for right handed people.. and uhmmm I had to stretch it really far so I could use it.. and then it kept snapping back.. yeahh that was hellla frustrating. I told the lady they should change that.. or have special cubicles for left handed people. : /

Yeahhh and now I'm at work. I work at a gift shop.. and I'm hellla bored right now. I've kind of adopted this stuffed bear.. he's fricken adorable.

yeahhh I know you think soo too : ) He's def. on my lap right now.. and he's wonderfully soft.. and yes.. I'm 4 shut up : )

MMK well that's all for now..

<3 DAnielle

Seriously he's the best boyfriend I could have ever asked for. I'm soo happy he is in my life.

I told him about everything that happened at New Years and all he said was,

"Baby I'm just glad you're ok, If it ever happens again just be more careful"

Things with him are so wonderful.. and I'm soo happy.

I was always so anti-long distance and he lives 2 hours away.. and I don't see him as often as I would like, but we're so much closer because we talk for hours on end anyway. I love how our relationship is being built on communication and we understand eachother so well, yea we hella want eachother but it's nice that we can talk about anything and everything.
It's just crazy how fast everything is moving. I first met him this summer but I was dating another guy and we never really talked.. I just met him. But like he remembered me and kept asking his cousin, (my best guy friend) about me and then I was single so Joe.. wanted me to start talking to him.. that was like a week before Halloween. We talked all the time, every night except for like 2. Then he asked me out on Thanksgiving.. (I always start going out with people on holidays.. it's kinda weird)

And then New Years Eve.. we were talking.. and well we said it..

ya know... IT.

It was amazing.. because even though it's only been a little more than 2 months that I've known him.. I've never felt this way before. I've said it before... but it's never been like this. It's like it was said because we were together so long.. you were just supposed to. But with Marco everything is different.. I really do love him.

Wow.. ok.

This is the first time I've told anything/anybody.

It's nice.

Soo New Years Eve.. I spent it with a different group of friends.. and man.. I dunno.

I made a few mistakes.. I guess.. but was it bad that I still had fun?

I mean.. ok.. soo I got drunk.. a little too drunk.

I called my boyfriend at midnight because I promised I would.. and that's when I went downhill and I threw up.. and then another friend of mine.. she's a foreign exchange student from Sweden led me to the bathroom and got me in the shower.. than I threw up some more.. and finally went to bed at 2. Yep.

And then I woke up this morning totally fine.

In some ways I'm kind of disappointed in myself.. just cause I felt my limit last night and then kept going.. I knew when I'd had enough.. but whatever.. I just kept it coming. But now I've done it and it was bad.. and now that is out of my system. I'll just know how much that sucked.. you know? So next time.. (if there is one) I'll feel my limit and stop there.

Soo I'm soo glad I have Mindsay..because no one from my town has this. and I can vent freely.. I can say what I feel and not be scrutinzed or looked down on. I know some of my friends would think badly of me because of what happened.

Well yea.. so that was my New Years.. haha even though I got sick.. it was still fun.. I enjoyed it before the whole vomiting part.. mhm..

Happy New Years..

and I wish everyone a wonderful 2007

Ok sooooo remember my last 2 entries were about the two different boys and what I should do???

Well I'm with Marco. The whole long distance thing is really frustrating but I went to Tahoe for a week and the night before I left we talked for 8 hrs on the phone.. about everything.. we NEVER stop talking. And then while I was there we talked a couple of times. Mhmm and so basically we were already dating.. it just wasn't official. But it's all official now and I'm so happy. He is probably the most perfect guy I have ever met for me. It seems like we are always saying, "..me too!!!" haha I love it.

Yeahhh I'm so glad that I didn't settle and give up on him because he lives far away. So yeah.. we'll see what happens. I hope it goes ok. I really like him.

Christmas/Winter break: Started today!! Woo hoo. Soo exciting. Yeahh Marco might come down too <3 cool. I hope he can.

haha yeahh sorry. I took all my finals this week.. and I fucked up my math one, but otherwise I did pretty good. Pretty exciting.

Ehhh yeahh I'm sure there's more I should put.. but ehh I'm bad with this.. I want to be better with this. It's my outlet for shit that bugs me, because no one near me or close to me knows I have one or still use it.

Yeahh soooon.

Danielle

In one corner...

Peder: Really good friend of my best friends ex-boyfriend. Sounds confusing... ehh.

But Peder lives in a town not too far away. About 15 min, Like I mentioned earlier. He really is a nice guy. We talk... I "make his day" by saying stupid things. He's attractive and again.. lives near by. But then there are just thing about him that really bother me. Like his grammar isn't too good. He said that he "losed his game of basketball" the other night.. I was cringing. And sometimes I feel so censored.. if I bring up something serious, he just kind of clams up.

Marco: My best guy friend's cousin. We have been talking about a month, and I have told him things that people I have been friends with for years don't even know. It's crazy.. cause I'm usually such a private person. And also, he's Catholic.. and so for All Saints Day it honors people who have passed etc. and so you're supposed to put down someone's name that you want to honor. .and the other night we had talked about my grandmother and how much I missed her and so he put down my grandmother.. That is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. But things aren't always serious with him. .we can laugh and talk about crazy stupid things also.. ehh but he lives in the bay area.. like 2 hours away.

Sooo yeah..that's how the cookie crumbles..

Ehh so I hate difficult.. and right now that's how things are.

I have a dilemma.

2 People.. One lives about 15 minutes away.. they're pretty cool, we talk, they're nice.. really nothing wrong with them.. except for a few things.. but the other person is amazing. Probably one of the nicest people I've ever met. And I really want to get to know better.. etc. Buut they live 2 hours away. I don't do long distance.. ehhh

Complicated and I hate it.

I uploaded a new picture also.. I didn't like the other one.. It was getting old to me.. Soooo It's new now. Mhmmm

Ehh well that's all for now.. Later.

So there was a game tonight, and it's pitiful how bad we are lol. We lost 14-41.. It was almost 7-41 but I think the other team felt bad for us and let us have a pity touchdown haha awhh.

School has been going really well, I finally understand Emperical formulas in chem so that's pretty exciting, otherwise nothing new. This week literally flew, I thought this morning was like Tuesday or something.. craziness.

Well I want to write more.. and I could write more.. I dunno.. I just don't feel like it.

Later dudes. haha.

D

I thought I could go more than a week without shedding a tear.. but I guess I can't.

Damnit.

I'm angry

sad

upset

confused..

Soo I asked my Dad how he was and how things were going.. he told me he was in love and maybe moving to New York City.

I don't even know how I feel about it. I mean I know that I should be happy for him, he finally got over my mom, and Candy (woman's name) and past girlfriends, I really should be happy; but I can't. Damnit I can't!!!

We didn't even talk for almost 3 years, and now that I'm finally in contact and basically met my whole family down in Tahoe, he wants to move, he wants to leave. I feel like I'm never going to see him or talk to him. New York is FAR away.. It took long enough just to make it up to Tahoe.. how in the hell am I going to get up to New York!?

I feel like he's being selfish; ehhh I dunno.

I don't know how I'm feeling.

All I know is that I can't go a week without crying.

..and it's pathetic.

Is tomorrow... woo hooo..

Don't really feel like writing much, but I haven't written in a while..

ehhh

Now I have to figure out how to get rid of Kevin. Joy, Rapture.

He talks to my friend Ashley all the time about how much he likes me.. shit.

The easy way would be just to tell him, "Hey, I don't like you the way you like me" Or something along those lines...

But why the hell would I do it the easy way?? Who do you think I am??

Oh no, I don't work the easy way.

I just realized that the header picture I found... definately says Hooters in a part of it.. ummmm ok.

Well that was unintentional.

Whatever.

Not really any updates for today.

Maybe later.

I'll start all this with last night: I went bowling with Kevin. It was ok.. ehh but I dunno.

He wasn't assertive at all. I had to do all the talking. We had fun throughout the night even though there were a couple mishaps. I dragged him to Rite-Aid because I didn't have any socks and hell no was I going to bowl without socks lol so I bought socks. Then it was "Glow Bowl" and so they turned on black lights.. and just my luck.. my shirt was like a thin material and I was wearing a white bra.. and all you could see was my white bra shining through.. WOO HOO! Yeahh

Ok but end of the night.. we had talked earlier and he said he needed to stop by a bank and I just figured he got that covered somehow. Well he looks at me and goes "It's 34" I thought he was just telling me to show off or something.. I dunno. Well he thought I was going to pay. Well all I had was $4. So I had to call my parents and tell them to bring my wallet. So after totally embarrassing myself and him to my parents.. he sees an ATM machine and he's like "Oh" I was soo pissed.

I'm still pissed. It really makes me rethink everything.

Ok and the other thing. This grandma and her grandkids came in to where I work. And my grandma died almost 3 years ago.. and I never knew I missed her so much until I saw this grandmother and the way she was with her grandkids. She reminded me so much of mine.

I miss my grandma.. : (

Well that's all for now.

So yesterday I went to a Birthday party.. and it was at the lake.. It was more fun than I thought it would be. She said to bring swimsuits and I was just like.. Ok whatever, I probably won't swim. But I was def. in my swimsuit like the whole time.

Most of the time just in like a t-shrit and bottoms. We took a hella lot of pictures. Mhmm it was fun. Then I went to my friend Ashley's house.. and we took more pictures.. (all for a birthday gift for a friend, kind of hard to explain) Yeahhh

Sooo tonight I'm going bowling with Kevin. Mhmm so hopefully that'll be fun.

Yeah.. well not much to write today.

More later.

<3

Damn.. so I had all this stuff written .. and well it's gone now..

I'm going to post the pictures I've been promising about every post lol.

David and me in summer school

Michelle being humped by the mascot at a Link Crew Orientation.

Mud fight at a birthday party : )

Joe and me at my Birthday Party.

Michelle and me.. We took this pig everywhere to take pictures with it : )

The deer butt at school <3

Probably could have made at least a couple of those smaller.. but whatever.. It's too late.

Mhmm well that's all for now. Maybe more later.

 *UPDATE* I tried to resize them.. Some are a little distorted.. whatever

Can't really think of any interesting updates.

Mmk.... So with my major stalking abilities.. I have learned that.. there are two girls Kevin is interested in. Me and some other girl. He is not sure who he likes better.. and he's actually quite pissy about the whole thing. He was getting short with me the other night; now he is bascially back to normal. I think we're going to hang out again this weekend. I feel really bad though.. because he wanted to do something Mon and I couldn't.. and he asked again for today.. but I had to work, I'm pissed. He's not going to get to know me.. if we never get to hang out.. so tonight I promised him that next time.. no matter what it is.. I'll be there.

He's such a sweet guy.. I'm not going to let him go easy. That sounds scary.. ehhh Not creepy. I swear I'm not creepy lol.

The only reason I went back to this... was because no one can read this.. Any of my friends from here who had one has forgotten about it.. and I really need to get this off of my chest.

So I was going out with this guy for 10 months.. It was really quite a stupid relationship.. because it took him 4 months to kiss me and then even then.. he wouldn't go any farther than just pecking me on the lips.. a "goodnight kiss" if you will. Well then he tells me he is bisexual and whatever ok, I accepted him.. He said he loved me etc. THEN I hear he still has feelings for his ex-girlfriend. Because they have a "history" so I break up with him.. whatever.

Well not far after that, I meet a new guy. His name is Kevin. And he's funny, intelligent, cute, single haha. So we start talking.. I hung out with him.. we have a great time. We're going to hang out again.. So things are good.. Well one of my guy friends chooses to be all juvenile and talk to him being all, "Hey I'm danielle's friend.. we go way back, don't mess with her" granted this was public.. other people can see it. And nothing is going on between Kevin and I yet.. we're just talking and stuff as of now... So yeah.. I'm really upset.. Because it's soo stupid and typical for like middle schoolers.. and I don't know if I should tell him if I'm so pissed off, or just keep it under wraps.

I don't know.. maybe I'm blowing everything out of proportion.

Another thing that bugs me.. My best friend.. or who has always been my best friend.. and I just still call her that.. doesn't like him. She calls him the "delinquent" and whenever I try to mention him she's just like, "ok".

Bugs me.

Mmk I'm done. Hopefully I can update later with good news.

So really I can honestly say I forgot about Mindsay.. but sometimes I just really want to say stuff.. and this is the only site that like no one in my area knows about.. or they don't know I have one and I can just get stuff out.. because technically I feel like I'm still getting stuff off my chest.. wow so ok..